DESPICABLE ME 2

Sequels. We want them but we dread them. For every The Empire Strikes Back there's Speed 2: Cruise Control, Miss Congeniality 2: Armed & Fabulous, and so on and so forth (sorry Miss Bullock!)

2010 saw the arrival of a new anti-hero to steal the hearts of both young and old alike - and also showed that Pixar could still be challenged now and again with a mixture of great characters, quotable dialogue, glorious animation and - what Pixar does best - a display of substance over style.

Enter Gru and his Minions and millions of smiling audience members and cuddly Minion toys! Now 3 years later, the original cast and crew, with some additions, have returned to challenge evil... and sing about bananas!

If you loved the first foray of Steve Carell's moon-stealing villain (and you should of!), then prepare to be once again entertained - with maybe just a pang of pondering plonked on your popcorn tasting of "what could have been."

The original saw Carell's Gru grow into a delightful father figure from a despicable budget-constrained baddie  by the 3 girls he adopts to beat a rival. Here, the journey taken sees Gru try to grow further still by finding that "someone special" to share the role of parent to the less troublesome girls. Maybe that's the pang mentioned earlier about this sequel - one aspect that made the original so charming has moved on, and for continuity and story-telling, that is correct, but it does leave a kind of scratch that can't be itched.

The struggle to deal with whilst keeping his identity secret from the 3 girls was ingenious and apart from the mighty Minions (more on them later) most of the laughs came from the clash of strong, stubborn, single super villain vs 3 strong, stubborn sisters. Their constant battle for supremacy gave us the legendary "It's soooo fluffy I'm gonna die!!!" line. Here, Gru seems to be battling against his own clumsy stupidity and then eventual awkwardness once he realises that he does indeed care for Agent Lucy Wilde (Kirsten Wiig) rather than any other form of comedic relief. Yes, this makes for some fine slapstick and adult recognition of those embarrassing "lovey dovey" moments driven by shy awkwardness from the man who was shunned by girls as a boy. However, it feels just abit tame compared to the original with its adult vs child comedy approach.The step-dad and his step daughters familiarity breeds our contempt perhaps?

Now this may sound like a blasting of Despicable Me 2, but it isn't. The fondness for the first means that the bar was set very high indeed. This bar is met albeit with the pole of Minion mayhem rather than full cast cooperation. The Minions get to take more of the centre stage and this confidence has been shown with them getting their own spin-off movie which is already in pre-production - Minions. Scene stealer's extraordinaire, whether they are hoovering up in a French maids outfit or clambering up the side of a tall building ala the World War Z zombie's terrifying horde, all that they do is perfectly pitched to have both children and adults alike laughing like loons at their antics. If you don't spill your cola or spit your popcorn out at the films finale of "I Swear" then you're either too young to remember the early 90's or you're in need of a defibrillator!

So, all in all, it's fun, frivolous, fine-looking and funny... and maybe a tad forgetful? The kids will love it still but maybe step-parents or those parents who remember the uphill struggles with their offspring may hanker for the comedic foundations of the first foray.


UK release date: 28.06.13
Certificate: PG

WRECK-IT RALPH

Computer games and its entertainment rival, the cinema, have never really got along. The more money-making games market has never had  the same success when one of its own has transferred across to the silver screen. Many still shudder at the thought of Super Mario Bros. and Street Fighter which led to the decline in the cross-over genre.

However, Disney have appeared to look into their back catalogue for inspiration and a way to avoid replicating the likes of Tomb Raider and have gone the Tron route - not a existing game but a make-believe one and going inside it!

And, for the most part, it works.

Here with Disney's latest animated offering, just like you would expect to find in a Pixar or an Aardman production, the attention to detail is off-the-charts. Any game-junkie will have a field day in spotting the many cleverly hidden in-jokes and references littered throughout Wreck-It Ralph. And, if you're an adult that grew up with arcade and console games then your nostalgia will well and truly be stoked as pretty much all the old classics get to make an appearance one way or another - Space Invaders, Frogger, Q*bert, Paperboy and Pac-Man all get their moment in the sun along with more recent fare such as Metal Gear Solid, World Of Warcraft and Portal. It even boils down to small-but-significant details such as: everything in Fit-It-Felix and Wreck-It Ralph's environment is all square and rectangular as his game is an old-and-dated 8 bit  model (check out the lamps etc) and everyone in it moves stiffly just like they did in the games of old. Even a "soldier" from the Halo-esque Hero's Duty reenacts the move that all people have done whilst playing a first person shooter - walking into a wall and unable to move away from it straight away.

Yes, attention to detail is paramount here but there does feel like a slight lack of this concentrated effort where the rest of the film is concerned. Pixar has always been able to blend humour for both the adults and their children in the audience, creating fun moments for all to enjoy and remember. Here, this balance is not necessarily evident, especially where the older folk are concerned. Yes there are moments for the adults - a clever rift of The Wizard Of Oz's castle guards ("oh we oh, Oreo") a Darth Vader breathing sound joke and Jane Lynch's wonderful "programmed with the most tragic back story ever"commando comment, but these are few and far between. Kids are, rightly or wrongly,are the ones mostly catered for with slapstick, toilet humour ("Why did the Hero flush the toilet? Because it was his Doodie!") and loud noises and bright colours.

Wreck-It Ralph is a great kids film but its not a classic family one. The people that will remember the multitude of in-jokes and 8 bit references that are littered throughout the first half of the film (mostly based around Game Central) may find their attention waning after Ralph game jumps into the likes of Hero's Duty and Sugar Rush which is where the children are then catered for with the figurative sugar rush of noise, colour and poop jokes. So, not a GAME OVER but you may think twice if the screen were to ask you to insert another coin TO CONTINUE....


UK release date: 08.02.13
Certificate: PG

TOP 20.1/2 FILMS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR - 5 through to 1

And so here are my top five films on the year that saw both good and bad in equal measures...

5. Looper

Maybe a tad too clever for the popcorn pundits, Looper delivered to the screen a head-scratching, mind-bending experience not unlike the first The Terminator did upon its initial release.

It also proved that Joseph Gordon Levitt could pass as a younger Bruce Willis as the concept of a man trying to both save himself AND kill himself at the same time gave one of the years most brain teasing times in the cinema.

4. Skyfall

Originally the idea of Sam Mendes helming Bond's anniversary outing was met with much sneers and confusion. Now, looking back, it is easy to see that Mendes was a perfect choice as many consider Skyfall as one of 007's finest missions.

With enough respect and nods to the past whilst carving out a new future, it has become the highest grossing Bond of all time and set new records in the UK and across the world.

3. Life Of Pi

Ang Lee showed that there is no such thing as an unfilmable book. Having already shown that he could easily tackle the greats such as Sense And Sensibility, Lee turned to the tale of a tiger and a boy sharing a lifeboat for 200+ days adrift in the Pacific Ocean. 

Stunning graphics, and effects that are indistinguishable from live action, Life of Pi became, along with Hugo, the standard of what 3D could and should look like.

2. The Dark Knight Rises

The expectation of Chris Nolan's final instalment in the Dark Knight trilogy was off the charts! With the previous outing considered to be the finest superhero film committed to celluloid and one of the best sequels ever made, the task that lay ahead of the cast crew was staggering. Lucky for them, and of course us, that they blew those barriers clean away.

A perfect trilogy, The Dark Knight rises with the inclusion of Catwoman and Bane did not overload the film as so many others before have experienced with adding to many characters into the mix.

True spectacle for the more intelligent viewer.

1. Avengers Assemble

Quite simply, the most fun you cold have in the cinema - that's legal and decent of course. Joss Whedon showed that when it comes to the tricky task of ensemble pictures, there is no one better than he.

Avoiding what could have been the Ironman and friends flick, Whedon gave each of the characters time and room to shine and more importantly interact with each other - no one who saw it will forget the Tony Stark and Bruce Banner bantering.

A box office killer, Avengers Assemble did not disappoint and lived up and exceeded its potential. All hail Whedon!

So, that completes the Top Films  for 2012. The list this time was hard to do with at least a few more nearly making it in until the last moments.  Those films were standout for different reasons but in the end there are only ten places so you just have to do a Sophie's Choice and await the backlash!

So, over to you!

TOP 20.1/2 FILMS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR - 10 through to 5

Now with the clarity that can only come from people having to get ready to go back to work and having detoxed from alcohol after New Year's celebrations, it's the perfect time to look back upon the year that was 2011 and the films that graced our screens...

BEST 20.1/2 FILMS OF 2012 - 10 thru to 6

10. Silver Linings Playbook

A film that not only dealt with its two main characters both suffering from different forms of mental illness, it portrayed them with respect and humour but never once belittling them and their personal battles or dumbing things down for fear of alienating the audience.

Silver Linings Playbook was one of those experiences that made you feel all the better for having watched it. It also helped that both Cooper and Lawrence gave outstanding performances and the supporting cast surprised all by DeNiro not coming across as if he was "phoning it in" and Tucker not going OTT.

9.Brave

 From the people that can seem to do no wrong, it was none-the-less a big step for Pixar to have their latest concern itself with people as leads rather than in the background AND to have a female as the central character.

They and audiences needn't have worried. Brave showed that Pixar is still king when it comes to characterisation and fun for everyone of all ages - jokes for the older folks and quips for the kids were still present and correct.

8. Argo

 Remember the time when Affleck was just one of the other halves of either Damon or Lopez? Well those days are truly long forgotten as Affleck delivered another fantastic piece of film with his "based on a true story" drama that had bucket loads of suspense, drama and nostalgia.

Awards will be headed his way no doubt.

7. The Cabin In The Woods

From the mind of Whedon, this was a film that played up its teen slasher premise to the extent that its true nature may have been lost on those who went to see it thinking it was just a teen slasher movie!

Clever, funny and subversive, this was a film that refused to be pigeon holed into a category and left those without an open and quick mind behind in its wake.

6. The Raid

A Welsh man and an Indonesian walk into the movie making industry... Sounds like the beginning of a joke but it was infact the beginning of a wonderful relationship that gave those lucky enough to see it a truly breath-holding experience.

Relentless and genius, this showed the big budget makers how to make a movie that could please all.

The countdown will continue with 5 through to 1.... What have you seen and what do you think should be included?

TOP 20.1/2 FILMS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR - 15 through to 11

And so here continues the countdown of my top films of the year...

15. Headhunters

If you didn't get to see the little film that had big ideas and a nail-biting plot, then see the original before the inevitable Hollywood remake. Clever and damn funny, it proved that good actors and not A-list stars can keep an audience enthralled hook, line and sinker.

Slickly cool, if only short (watch it and you'll understand!)

14. The Descendants

Is there nothing that the Clooney cannot do? Yet again, him off of E.R. proves that he is not only bankable but dependable in this quiet tale of a husband having to reconnect with his family after his wife slips into a coma. Heart strings are deliberately pulled but in such a way that you don't care - you only care about the people up on the screen.... and that's quality film making.

13. Beasts Of The Southern Wild

Despite looking like a documentary, Beasts Of The Southern Wild wasn't. This little film that stood head and shoulders against all the action and adventure faire at the cinemas - a feat not unlike its central character. If you failed to fall in love with the little girl who lives with her daddy in The Bathtub during a massive flood, then go see your local mortician!

12. The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

The expectation for Peter Jackson's return to The Shire was hard to quantify - it had been so long coming that there could be a fear that the film wouldn't stand a chance of living up to the hype. Nonsense dear boy! The wizard wasn't late - he arrived in our cinemas att exactly the time he wished to and blew all out doubts away! So, fly you doubters!

11. The Hunger Games

Who would have thought that a book aimed at young girls could be turned into a successful film? Yes, Twilight did that. However, The Hunger Games proved to pull off an even more impressive trick... boys liked it too!

With something for everyone, the box office receipts led the way to the second and third books being green lit into films as well. Katniss and Peter's story will continue, and the world will be watching!

So, onto the next batch....

TOP 20.1/2 FILMS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR - 20 1/2 through to 16

Now with the clarity that can only come from people having to get ready to go back to work and having detoxed from alcohol after New Year's celebrations, it's the perfect time to look back upon the year that was 2012 and the films that graced our screens...

BEST 20.1/2 FILMS OF 2012 - 20 1/2 thru to 16

20 1/2. This Means War

Just before they hit BIG TIME, the new Captain Kirk and Batman's new enemy Bane, teamed up in this light, frothy but none-the-less hilarious spy spoof that pitted both against each other when they fall for Witherspoon's indecisive blond.

Great chemistry between the three helped for the audience to continuously change who they were rooting for throughout the misuse of America's Government Agencies as each guy tried to outdo the other.









20. Warhorse

Spielberg once again proved that there wasn't anything he couldn't turn his hand to - even a stage play that once seen, invokes an air of certainty that the same feelings felt whilst watching it could not be transferred onto the silver screen. They were wrong.

Emotionally strong, visually stunning, his depiction of a boys and a horses struggle to survive a World War is a breath taking experience.











19.Moonrise Kingdom

From the usually strange mind of Wes Anderson, this tale of young love and the unusual situations it has to endure is pure gold right from the get go. More accessible than his previous films, Moonrise Kingdom is part sweet, part absurd and part kooky.

The big stars all play second fiddle to the children actors who steal the show despite Edward Norton's best role in ages as the Scout Leader caught up in a young lovers pact to be together.

18. Ted

For those who either loved or hated TV's Family Guy, its creators first foray into film - Seth MacFarlane - had a strong gut reaction to its announcement and its premise - a teddy bear that comes to life but still exists when its owner grows up.

Surprisingly touching and able to bring a few tears to the eyes, Ted was laugh out loud funny throughout with its humour and language both close to the bone. You wouldn't expect nor want anything less though.

17. The Pirates! In An Adventure With Scientists

The team that brought us Wallace & Gromit, Chicken Run and Flushed Away are simply put - geniuses. This does not alter that fact in any shape or form! Brilliantly balanced for both old and young alike, its depiction of luxurious beards roaming and plundering the high seas is a delight from absurd beginning to fantastic finale.

Arrrggg!

16. The Muppets

A film about AND starring The Muppets hadn't been around for a long time. This fact is cleverly played upon with them trying to regain their waning popularity in order to raise money to save their old theatre. The human cast are fantastic - Segal and Adams are wonderful as the couple who seem stuck permanently in the 1940's - but lets be honest, as good as they are, its The Muppets you've paid to see and with such gags as Fozzie's Fart Shoes, they did not disappoint!

The countdown will continue with 15 through to 11.... What have you seen and what do you think should be included?

LIFE OF PI

Unfilmable. There are many books that are held dear to those who have read them and consider their favourite tomes as impossible works of art that would be unable to be committed to celluloid.  For anyone who has read it,Yann Martel's The Life Of Pi is one such book.

Then again, Ang Lee is not the kind of individual to be put off by such trivialities! The Taiwanese directer who has delivered outstanding works in both his native tongue - Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon - and in the West - Brokeback Mountain - has yet again turned his attention to literature. His Sense & Sensibility showed an understanding of remaining true to the source whilst making his own mark on the work and here, with some of the most beautiful 3D imagery committed to celluloid since Scorsese's Hugo, he has truly made this a sight to behold and cherish.

Even with the story of how someones faith in God is tested and eventually rewarded against all the odds, Magee's adapted screenplay and Lee's camerawork combine beautifully together to let you explore the possibility of "faith rewarded" and God on your own terms - it doesn't cram it down your throat forcing you to believe... you can read into it what you will and, like the reminiscing Pi says, "you can chose to believe or not."

The first third of the book dealt with Pi's multiple-conversion to every religion he came across whilst growing up in "one of the most beautiful places on Earth - India." Wisely, Magee's screenplay covers the religious aspect of the story humorously yet respectfully ("I want to be baptised" at the dinner table) in the first 20 minutes through the aid of flashbacks, and then delves head into the real reason why the audience, and Rafe Spall's inquisitive writer are there in the first place - the story of his younger self stranded in a lifeboat with a 3 year old Bengal tiger in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. You may not believe in God by the end of Pi's tale but you will want to have shared his experience, however fraught with danger it is.

Without giving away too much, Pi (delightfully played with initial wide-eyed earnest and then forced maturity through unfolding events by Surja Sharma) and Richard Parker (the Bengal tiger named that through a clerical error) are not alone on the lifeboat and the harsh realities of the circle of life are played out in the small floating arena against various backdrops - a raging storm and then the calmest, most astounding sea you could ever hope to see. It is these striking images that make their mark upon the viewer - an endless reflection of sky and sea with a bland white boat floating between the reflective  two holding the the beauty and majesty that is the tiger with his orange and black colouring sitting so out-of-place in these surroundings.

Before going any further, this is the time to emphasise exactly how stunning this film is. Normally, a lengthy description on the effects would lean towards the fact that the story, its depiction or the acting is below par as it seems all efforts were placed into the special effects alone. Here, simply put, is a truly beautiful film that could not have been made probably even a few years ago. Even for this trained eye, spotting the difference between the real tiger and the "had to have been used" CGI tiger is virtually impossible. This effect has the affect of not only drawing you in, but helps you to fall in love with a creature that you should fear and not care for. It is that good! The balance of power that continually shifts between Richard Parker and Pi both in and out of the lifeboat helps you to root for both at separate moments whilst still not wanting the other to suffer too much. Not many films can boast manipulating your allegiances and love between an animal and a human - and no, not even Turner & Hooch can pull off what Lee achieves here.

One way that the audience is so easily pulled along by its heart strings is through the films abundance of humour. Forget the absurdity of the premise of a boy and a tiger fighting for dominance on a lifeboat - the marking of the territory by urine is both clever and hysterical but shows the valuable lesson of never going up against a tiger in a pissing contest - it's the learning curve that Pi has to go through in order to survive that conjours up smiles and laughs. His diary of how to train a tiger at sea is delightful - "point 5. Ignore all the other points," after Richard Parker nearly has a meal made entirely out of Pi.

The use of flashback allows you to catch your breath and take on board not only the enormity of the situation and the various solutions that both work and don't - taking all the supplies of the lifeboat for safekeeping and storing them on the makeshift raft away from Richard Parker seems like a good idea at the time until the dazzling display of the luminous whale - but also the visual creativity and beauty that seeps from pretty much every frame of film.

A genuinely feel-good film, The Life Of Pi is one of the most beautiful 2 hours you could ever hope to spend in the cinema - both visually and spiritually. And if you don't want to go stroke a tiger afterwards or discover an island of meerkats that don't utter the phrase "simples" then there is no hope for you. Believe.

UK release date: 20.12.12
Certificate:PG

BRAVE

Since Pixar first wow'd audiences back in 1995 with Toy Story, there are those who have been waiting for them to fall squarely on their pixeliated arses but time and time again those nay say'ers have been left out in the cold. Pixar on a bad day - Cars, A Bugs Life - is still ten times better than most of the competition on a really good day.

However, now could be the time that those unwell-wishers get their dream fulfilled as Pixar delves into unknown territory for themselves, infact, it's two firsts for them - a female lead AND a human cast and story! Their UP! may have had a cantankerous old man and a wet-behind-the-ears scout, but it also had talking dogs and a weird bird to liven up the proceedings. One of the messages that both UP! and Brave share  may be the same - belief in yourself and stay true to your dreams - but their latest animated feature tries in a somewhat more grounded way to get it across to its captive audience.

And captivated the audience will be as the harbingers of doom will have to wait another year to see if Pixar will fumble the ball because they've scored another home run.  With their tale of a Scottish Princess who longs to change her pre-ordained life and her fate, they have, yet again, mixed that sometimes all-too-elusive mix of humour for both the children and the adults, along with absolute stunning visuals and as always, a serious tug at the heart strings at some point through the proceedings that culminates in a broad, dopey grin upon the face as the lights go up and the end credits begin to roll.

One of the strengths of Pixar has always been their dedication to the story rather than just the look of the film, famously throwing out the whole storyboard if it doesn't feel right - Ratatouille, Toy Story 2 as two of the best examples. Of course that's not to say that Pixar have never continued to push the boundaries of animation that they themselves helped create - some of the shots here are so amazingly stunning that they look lifelike/photo realistic. As the camera flies across the various Scottish glens and lakes, you'd swear you were looking at some of Jackson's New Zealand footage from Lord Of The Rings and not from a CGI'd interpretation of "Bonny Scotland."

As said though, it's the story and the characters that inhabit it that hook, line and sinker the audience right from the off. The first third of the film introduces all the characters that you will need to know and has them all take their time in the spotlight so that you can not only remember them, but you get to laugh, cringe and especially sympathise with them. This last emotion has never been truer depicted in a Pixar presentation then here with the struggle between Macdonald's Princess Merida and Thompson's Queen as they fight over clan tradition and an individuals future happiness. In one glorious sequence, Merida is shown how Princess' should behave and what they can and cannot do with such wondrous lines as "an' Princess' don nay doodle!"

Without giving away the films "didn't see that coming!" twist that propels the last two thirds of it, the bond between mother and daughter is continually fleshed out and examined along with the topics of faith in possible magic and in one self. These are explored but not at the expense of fun or the rest of the cast. The three clans that assemble to win the hand of the Princess bring the broad slapstick humour to the experience - as seen in the trailer below - whilst the three wee brothers (and their part of the twist) bring just good old fashioned smirking laughter with their antics and special brand of help.

What may come across to those who have grown up with Pixar, is that it feels that Pixar themselves have grown up abit, at least on this project. Alot of the laughs seem directed at the older members of the audience rather than the normal balance of jokes which lean towards the younger end of the spectrum - looks that only parents would understand between adult characters and hen-pecked big brutes that cower from their female better halves litter the films 101 minutes running time but the kids get to have their laughs with the brutes walking butt-naked after having to fashion their kilts into a makeshift rope ladder to escape one of the castle's towers.

Another emotional roller coaster from Lassiter & Co., Brave is indeed a brave step as they put their faith in not only a female lead but also in an all-human based story. Their faith and hard work have been rewarded as it can easily stand with its head held high in the same line up as the other greats such as Finding Nemo, WALL-E and Monsters, Inc. If you're not trying to disguise the lump in your throat or the tears running down your cheeks at the finale, then you have no business being in the crowd at a Pixar presentation. Another home run!

UK release date: 13.08.12

Certificate: PG

MEN IN BLACK 3

Sequels. They're made because either the multitude of fans demand it, the creators still have affection for their characters and a story to tell, or because the money-makers won't pass up the opportunity to milk the cash-cow dry.

Its been 10 years since MIB II - the sequel that fans wanted but most were sorely disappointed by - rolled into cinemas 5 long years after the first outing took the world by storm (and quite rightly so.) The doubling up on the time gap between that and this third outing has sadly not doubled up on the fun factor or the excitement levels.

So, MIB 3 feels like it definitely slots into the last category - especially when you add to the mix that filming started on it before they'd finished the script. That never bodes well for the final product, and the reunion of the first, last and only defence of the worst scum of the universe is no exception to the rule.

Now, people can say that sequels will always suffer from the laws of diminishing returns, but there are ones that do buck that trend, and it's those that remember where they came from whilst moving forward on their journey that make, if not better, then at least as good, viewing. Stories that link back to the initial appearance, or connect the dots, or make references or nods to the beginning of the franchise, help to not only make it worthwhile to follow, but acknowledge the fans who helped put the films into the record books. Here, there is little or no respect given to either of the other two adventures of Agents J and K. By this, I mean that there is precious little reference to any scenes or situations that viewers would want or expect to see - the MIB Headquarters was built in the 60's and Smith's J travelling back in time to 1969 should have invited commentary at least on the furniture and style of the building, or some jokes but here in MIB 3, although there is a J, an O and a K, there is a distinct lack of E to complete the picture and deliver one of the things that made MIB so great.

The banter and not always successful "learning on the job" between Smith and Jones gave to the screen a duo to match the likes of popular Riggs and Murtagh of Lethal Weapon where youthful exuberance clashed head on with worn-down experience. Here, the balance is absent because Jones is mainly absent, replaced by a greatly convincing Brolin. His K isn't jaded so the banter clashes are few and far between - and these are sorely missed. These, along with the unfortunate and mis-guided interactions of J and the hidden alien races throughout New York City have been sidelined in favour of a bland, by the numbers back in time travel plot that doesn't even have the courage to present the difficulties that Smith's black agent would have faced in America during the 60's.

Time travel, as depicted in The Terminator and the Back To The Future trilogies, can deliver scares, thrills and laughs in equal measures with a healthy dose "what? how? why?" as well. The biggest thought into the aspect of time travelling - or time jumping in this case - appears to be the method by which it is achieved. Visually, the process here is one of the best ever committed to celluloid but this brief flash of brilliance only goes to make the overall disappointment that much harder when you realise what could be accomplished if the film had been thought out from the very beginning.

It's not an awful film, but when you start to think back and remember exactly how good it all started off in 1997, the taste of this one becomes all the more bitter. You long for the "ticks and shuffling" of villain D'Onofrio with his anger management issues concerning cockroaches rather than the strangely cast Clement who tries to do the same but has to make do with losing it when people keep calling him Boris The Animal rather than Boris.

Fans of the franchise may well wish that the neuroliser actually existed so they could wipe the memory of this, and the second fiasco from their minds....

UK release date: 25.05.12

Certificate: PG

MOVIES AND THE "WOAH.. DEJA VU!" MOMENT

With the medium of movies in existence for over 100 years now, it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to realise that an aspect of repetitiveness may occasionally creep in from time to time.

Your favourite actor or actress may have a certain catch-phrase, or a certain look that they pull off that traverses some of their films; a director may continuously have his camera move in the same way to add a certain sense of gravitas to the situation, but the actual act of "seen it before" goes way deeper than that!

As with some of the greatest - and dumbest - discoveries of the recent age, the combination of access to the internet AND what would appear to be an infinite amount of spare time on their hands, people have found the "glitches in the matrix" - or to non Matrix fans, all those moments where a tiny voice screams in your head that you've heard/seen it all before.

So, here for your perusal, are some of the situations that, dependant on your frame of mind, could be classed as either: homage, lazy writing/acting, classic-making cinema, or proof that film makers need to up-their-game if they truly want their pieces of art to be classed just as that - classic, cult art - and not on a shop shelf gathering dust...


BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL

My personal favourite, be it TV or cinema, is when the character looks directly at you - just you. This act cements the link between them, the do'er, and you, the viewer. It draws you in, letting you in on their joke, their pain, their love, their life. Known as "Breaking The Fourth Wall," here is a collection of your heroes, your villains, your stars, talking to you personally. How many do you recognise?





SON OF A BITCH

Growing up, things that were considered wrong, or naughty, have, over the years, become either more tolerable or acceptable. Some have even become non-existent! What was once a swear/curse word back in the 70's and 80's, are now commonplace - some have even changed into greetings or a way to express a moment of clarity or disguised adoration. "Son of a bitch" is just such a phrase! Look for yourself....

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?

So, here's the one that should divide the people - is this a great way to propel the story along OR is it just damn lazy writing? At over 8 minutes long, I'm guessing that most people will come down on the side of "lazy writing" rather than fantastic screenplay motivation, after watching this montage. But then again, I could be wrong - maybe I just don't get it....





IT'S GONNA BLOW!

So, you're about to spend a huge amount of your budget on blowing up something infront of the camera and you just know (fingers crossed!) that it's gonna look cool. What do you do to let the audience know this so that they can be prepared for it and revel in its awesomeness?.... So that they don't miss a single second of what probably took months in planning and execution to pull off?.... Easy! Get one of the dumb characters to tell everyone!





Recognise any of the above? Did it put one of your fave films in a new light? Have you dug out that script you were writing - you know, the one that you've been working on for a few years now, the one where the protagonist learns a few valuable lessons along the way etc - and a full bottle of tippex and changed a few lines of dialogue perhaps?.... If so, then "happy trails Hans!"

MIRROR, MIRROR

As always, it seems that once an idea is floated around Hollywood, you can bet that several projects will inevitably race each other to be the first out across the multiplexes.

The winner release date-wise of the planned remakes of the story of Snow White - Mirror, Mirror - is the more traditional telling of the tale, leaving the more aggressive and darker Snow White And The Huntsman to hope for the teen/maturer audience to find it upon its release.

Here we have a squarely aimed-at-a-family-audience film that tries to replicate what Pixar and Disney have done recently, as in deliver laughs for both children and adults alike. What doesn't help achieve this much- sought-after mix is director Singh, whose first foray into the world of family fun slightly struggles with this balance. His previous films - The Cell and Immortals - have been more style than substance, and there are flashes of that same mentality here. Yes, the sets are at times beautiful to behold (especially the Queen's quarters, all mirrored walls and ornate doors and furniture) and the costumes are dazzling (again, alot of this is down to the Queen) but the emphasis on the telling of a well-worn classic seems to have been put to one side. It may be at odds with the Disney benchmark-setter - this Snow White can handle a sword and stands up to the Queen rather than let "her man" try and fulfill his heroic role instead - but a saccharine-coating covers the proceedings none-the-less.

What does save this from complete averageness is mainly Roberts as a hard-to-not-like evil Queen and Hammer as the equal-in-turns heroic and stupid Prince that both Snow White and the Queen fight over. These two get the lines and moments that allow them to sit in your memory whilst all the others, yes, even including the dwarfs, are banished into the background with uninspiring dialogue and the feel of an after thought around them. Only one dwarf gets to make a little impression (pun intended) and that's mainly because of his infatuation with Snow White and his continued mis-guided belief that she will end up with him rather than the Prince.

When Roberts is not upon the screen devouring the sets with her sharp words or Hammer's shirtless torso with her eyes (a very funny rolling gag), the story sags as Collins' Snow White, despite the modern makeover, cannot hold a candle, or broom, to the Queen and her vain ways.

Not a bad effort but neither enough meat-on-the-bones for the children or adults to keep them fully entertained throughout, it looks like the maturer Snow White And The Huntsman won't have that much to stand in its way - maybe it will be the fairest of them all after all...

UK release date: 02.04.12

Certificate: PG

THE PIRATES! IN AN ADVENTURE WITH SCIENTISTS!

Despite such fantastic efforts from Pixar and their clearly (and quite rightly so) inspired-by competitors, there will still be people out there that think any form of animation is just for small children. These individuals are missing out on some of the most fun that the world of cinema has to offer, especially as the folks at Aardman have done it again!

After the experiment of CGI with Flushed Away that regrettably didn't work out box office-wise, Aardman are back with what they do best - stop-motion. As per usual, they've brought that decidedly quirky sense of humour with them that made Wallace & Gromit the lovable famous duo that they are. Infact, you'd be forgiven for not drawing parllels between them and the two main leads here - Grant's equal parts bumbling yet endearing Pirate Captain is Wallace except with a luxuriant beard, and Freeman's put-upon, eye-rolling No 2 is Gromit except with a voice.

As with all their previous efforts, the screen - foreground and especially background - are filled with gags that would require multiple viewings to try and spot them all; names of streets and pirate pubs, blackboard menus, paintings and photographs, the list like the quantity of giggle-inducing puns seems endless. What IS different however this time round is the feeling that the target audience has shifted slightly. All successful Pixar and Aardman productions have been predominately family-fuelled with enough adult jokes to keep the accompanying maturer audience members more -than-satisfied during their running time. Here, The Pirates! feels like the balance has shifted as there are moments after moments for the older viewers to laugh-out-loud at (and explain to the younger ones in hushed whispers afterwards) and then there's a slap-stick moment for the kids (and childish adults) to spit their popcorn out at.

With all the visual japes (Indiana Jones' "travelling by map" has a new twist not unlike the recent The Muppets! did) and the wordplay wisecracks (Napoleon Blownapart) and the delightful dialogue (London - "It smells like Grandma...") you could be forgiven that the characters don't get that much of a look-in, and to a degree, you'd be right. There are so many great characters and only a handful make centre stage enough for you to feel that you've had time with them - the Pirate Captain, No 2 are glorious but some of the crew dutifully wait in the wings and are given, funny though they are, what feels like scraps to entertain the audience. The monkey butler with his own subtitle cards is a prime(mate) example here - he's hilarious but you just know he could have been used more to even greater affect. Now that is a criticism that every film maker wished they had levelled at them!

Right from the very first lovingly hand-crafted frame until the end credits, The Pirates! is a laugh-out-loud hoot that needs to have another outing - there are several books about The Pirate Captain already floating about - and soon! Go see and remember what it is to leave a cinema grinning from ear-to-ear. Arrrrr!

UK release date: 27.03.12

Certificate: U

RED DOG

If you're old enough, you may remember when Disney used to churn out live action films by the dozen. Nature films with an upbeat narration and a sugary Disney taste to them. Since then, most animal movies have not strayed from the formula but have dropped the narration and used less sugar coating.

Here is something then that will be both familiar and yet at the same time, different. Based on a true story, Red Dog easily fits into the category of "if I hadn't already been told it happened, I would have believed it had been made up" which is the benchmark for all good true story adaptations.

It will feel in parts familiar to those who've seen the likes of The Incredible Journey, Marley & Me and Lassie with the dog-related hi-jinks but there's no young pup factor on display here to deliberately push the audiences buttons and make them fall in love. Here, it's just a manky-looking dog that will steal your heart without having to be Golden Retriever or Labrador cute.

What makes this different from the other animal movies is the non four-legged cast. Right from the get-go, this sets itself apart from the wholesome family image normally depicted by American offerings. The events take place in a backwater mining community in Australia and its inhabitants are as "colourful" as you would expect from the predominately Aussie cast. Even the world-weary travellers in search of money have been Oz-ised to the point where, despite their different accents, they are line-for-line of dialogue as interesting and fresh as their home-grown counterparts.

The humour is as bold and brash as you would think but it's that same sense of humour that sneakily creeps up on you and makes you care not only for Red Dog himself but for all the lives he touches in the small mining community. When the inevitable tissue-ending comes along you can feel the heartache that the"big, butch menly-men" are experiencing at the thought of a life without the cool, calm and easy-to-talk-to dog around.

A genuine, sweet film without ever crossing into sickly sweet terrority, it has enough laughs generated by the great human cast along with the interactions of Red Dog, to at least warm the hardest of hearts if not melt them entirely.

UK release date: 24.02.12

Certificate: PG

STAR WARS EPISODE I: THE PHANTOM MENACE 3D

For some it may have felt like, "another year, another way for George Lucas to make some cash!" when the news that the saga was going to be yet again reissued but this time in 3D rather than re-tinkered.

Universally considered as the weakest installment of the Star Wars saga, The Phantom Menace upon its release back in 1999 was one of the most anticipated films of all time. Younger fans fell in love with Lucas' return to director duties whilst older fans who grew up with the original trilogy felt disillusioned, expecting the new films to have grown up along with them. Not accepting that the whole saga has always been "young at heart" the likes of Jar Jar Binks was considered a step too far for many older fans. Will the addition of the third dimension make the bitter pill that is The Phantom Menace easier to swallow for those individuals?

In a word, no. To understand the following review, I must make it clear that although not enamoured with it, I was not a hater of the saga's beginning episode. Like the others, it had its highlights, and some of those are absolute stand-out sequences. However, unlike the others, it suffered from an over-complicated plot that tried to explain itself through a very light-handed manner mixing in elements of slapstick and wooden dialogue - a combination that doesn't gel whatsoever. The addition of 3D does nothing to cover over these jarring aspects of the film.

With the ever-increasing onslaught of 3D releases - prepare for re-releases such as Titanic as well as numerous new family-friendly fare - there have been lessons well learnt from previous disastrous films: the poor post conversion of Clash Of The Titans and the pointlessness of 3D in Sanctum where pitch black underwater caves were not third dimension-friendly. Here, with space featuring heavily in alot of sequences, the 3D appears to be switched off rather than added. Even the two standout scenes that still thrill upon the big screen - the podrace and the duel of fates lightsaber battle - have nothing added to them to make it a worthwhile experience. Where the depth of field should expand the barren wasteland of Tatooine as the podracers speed on by, the fastness of the craft and the editing create a negative effect. Only the long distance shots during the lightsaber battle creates brief moments of depth but not enough to compensate the 2hour+ viewing time.

A disappointing start to the saga, the 3D needs to be brought to the foreground and moved into the "in your face" territory to make it worth you spending your hard earned cash all over again! The Force is not strong in this one.

UK release date: 10.02.12

Certificate: U

THE MUPPETS

There are, every now and then, experiences that are a sheer delight to partake in. With the glut of films released every week, it's hard to stand out from the crowd let alone induce ear-to-ear, jaw bone-aching grins. It would seem the answer to achieve this is simple... just add Muppet's!

But they need to be added in the style that made them famous - the TV show that felt unscripted and out of control - and not the slightly shoe-horned versions where they were thrown in amongst well-known and well-trodden literal greats (the brilliant Muppet Christmas Carol being the exception.)

Co-screenwriter and longtime Muppet fan Segel (see his vampire opera in Forgetting Sarah Marshall for proof), along with Stroller have clocked onto this and in a genius move, tackled the sad-but-true fact that the Muppet's have dropped off the public radar in recent years. Here, like a once-famous band that get together for one more tour, the gang get back together again after going their separate ways and losing contact with one another. Cue wonderful awkward songs of reflection, musical montages and a very Muppet version of the Indiana Jones "travel by map" method of transport.

All this is instigated by Segel and his brother, who also just happens to be a Muppet but, delightfully no one seems to question or comment on this fact. From their growing up together (the heights of both brothers marked on the door frame sequence) through to his ever-so-long relationship with the brilliantly cast Adams as his girlfriend (check out the confused face of Walter the Muppet's prom date in the photo of them altogether) it all seems natural but zanily so. And that's the essence of what makes it work so well - the bursting into songs where some lyrics seem not completed; the solemn low-point where all seems lost is accompanied by the sounds of Fozzie's Fart Shoes (patent pending!); the oh-so-wrong but oh-so-catchy and laugh-out-loud Camilla the Chicken's rendition of "Forget You" - they all make no sense but feel so genuine and funny that you don't care.

The one thing that lets it down is the lack of "nudge the person next to you and point" guest stars. Their TV show attracted all from the great to the iconic and nostalgically speaking, you'd expect them to be able to do the same. Maybe however that's been done deliberately to reinforce the point that the Muppet's are having to build up their popularity again from the beginning but it still feels wrong that they don't have any jaw-dropping stars throwing themselves into Gonzo's cannon for comedic fodder. Their "highlight" is Jack Black but it's the lesser stars that make more memorable appearances, the standout being Big Bang Theory's Jim Parsons as Walter the Muppet's human alter-ego in the destined to be a karaoke classic "Man or Muppet."

Made for people who are able to look back at the Muppets rather than those who are being introduced to them and their insane ways first time round, this is a beautifully scripted and genuinely funny love letter to the group of misfits that, no matter how bad things got, banded together and never saw the bad in anyone - the world needs more Muppets! And a sequel, fast!

UK release date: 10.02.12

Certificate: U

WAR HORSE

Apparently after seeing the stage play in the UK, Spielberg fell in love with the tale of a boy and his horse and moved it onto his ever-growing slate of films to make.

At first glance, it may seem like an odd choice for the man who has moved away from his early films that were described by some as over-sentimental, sugar-coated and emotionally manipulative and who now swings between his "fun" side - The Adventures Of Tintin; Indiana Jones - and his "mature" side - Munich; Saving Private Ryan.

And for a long while, it does feel like an odd choice for various reasons. The main one is that it doesn't feel like a film that's got the stamp "Executive Producer" on it from Spielberg, let alone "Directed by." If you didn't know his name was on it you'd swear that someone else was behind the camera calling the shots. Now is that a bad thing? Yes, and no.

Characters under extreme circumstance has been the 'Berg's consistent and strong point throughout his career and here, it's business as usual. However, the characterisation - and following on from that, the usual connection that is then made from the audience - is put to the test as it's not on a human level as you're used to but, not surprisingly when you think of the title of the film, on the horse, Joey.

From the outset, the emotions are all squarely on Joey - from his wanting to interact with the boy Albert who would become his most loyal friend but being told off and kept away by his over-protective mother, through to the acts of friendship and bravery when Joey takes the place of another horse in pulling heavy German artillery up a hill. Most of the human cast don't get a look in when it comes to the raw, emotional scenes. Sure there is a touching friendship between Albert and his Samwise Gamgee-type mate who follows him into war to find the horse but all the human cast are fleeting things in the life of Joey as he tumbles from person to person, and then from side to side during the war.

It does start to feel like a soap opera when Joey is constantly taken by English, then German, then French and back and forth again throughout his war effort but the camera work and the music by regular composer Williams, glosses over that and keeps you transfixed to the screen. Infact, it's that combination that delivers a truly pulse-racing sequence that turns into shock and apprehension when Joey breaks free and runs away from the battle through the trenches, then into no-mans land and into the many barbed-wire fences strewn around. This arm-rest gripping segment then melds into a grin-inducing scene where hostilities are put on hold as tow soldiers - one from each side - try and save a brave horse that's in distress. It may even replace the Pipes Of Peace music video for most touching event during WWI.

So, with War Horse, fans of Spielberg will find themselves in a surprising situation - something new and different from what they're used to. It may feel a little strange and take some getting used to but in the end, just like his works before, you'll be glad you took your seat and watched it.

UK release date: 13.01.12

Certificate: 12A

THE YEAR AHEAD - 2012

So, the world and all its inhabitants made it through the foretold "rapture" and some religious guy in America apologised and said that he may have got the date wrong! Good news then for the British Olympics staff and its competitors!

And also for Hollywood and the film industry who had lined up an impressive, even by their standards, list of entertainment for the popcorn punters this year.

The film studios are already gearing up to release their big guns from this month onwards to dominate not only the lucrative Summer season but also the awards season with their releases

slated from October, so, how about a flash forward for you to plan ahead each month and either book the baby-sitter, cancel the stag/hen do, re-arrange that reunion, record that football match rather than watch it live or.... insert the relevant scenario that matches your busy life here!

The following will pick each of the coming months and highlight some of the movies that hope to score big-time with your attention and your pocket money... so the list is there, all you have to do is choose what out of them gets your vote for your popcorn-consuming calender...

And as the poster for the "end of the world" film stated, you were warned... by me!

JANUARY

WARHORSE

Spielberg steps up to the plate once again to weave his magic and this time it's a cherished play that has captivated all that have seen it that gets his attention. The phrase "never work with children or animals" was clearly never meant for the man who gave us E.T., Jurassic Park or Empire Of The Sun. Black Beauty, Seabiscuit, make your way to the glue factory...

FEBRUARY

THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Or, as some would call it, what Harry Potter did next! Again, another stage play adaptation except this time its more ecto-plasmic rather than equestrian. Daniel Radcliffe plays the unfortunate soul sent to sort out a will in a house that will forever change him. The play is awesome so the film has a lot to "live" up to...

MARCH

THE PIRATES! AN ADVENTURE WITH SCIENTISTS

Tough call this month with CG-heavy offerings of Wrath Of The Titans and The Hunger Games, but, lets face it, anything from the creators of Wallace & Gromit has got to be the one to go for! Showing that Brit humour can launch a thousand ships still, it looks like an offering that the whole family can enjoy - arrgh me hearties!

APRIL

THE AVENGERS

I won't lie to you, this is one THE big ones for me! The man who created Firefly gets to show exactly how ensemble movies should be made with some of the biggest egos to contend with! Finally, Iron Man, Thor, Hulk and Captain America get to battle it out against a formidable foe, and each other, whilst being helped by Black Widow and Hawkeye and no doubt called mutha's from Samuel L. Jackson's Nick Fury.... sounds like heaven!

MAY

MEN IN BLACK 3

A long time coming, the third installment of Earth's last defence against the worst scum of the universe goes all Back To The Future time-trippy in order to save the day and the franchise. With not much out around the same time, this could well make a killing at the box office until the big Summer hitters are released.

JUNE

PROMETHEUS

The possible prequel/side-quel/alongside-quel of what is regarded as one of the finest sci-fi horror films of all time will finally burst forth like a chest-buster onto the screens with original Ridley Scott behind the camera and a host of who's-who waiting to be killed off such as Michael Fassbender, Noomi Rapace and Charlize Theron... Commence screaming.

JULY

THE DARK KNIGHT RISES

There shouldn't be anything to say about the third and final installment of Chris Nolan's genre-changing Batman saga except for it's finally here! With both director and star saying there will be no more Bat-antics, expect this one to go out with a big bang!

AUGUST

BRAVE

Pixar are back! And after comments regarding that their output has mainly related to only animals and such, they now appear to be tackling an all-human environment and addressing the unfair criticisms that females have played only minor roles to date. Either way, when Pixar are around every other film should beware!

SEPTEMBER

PARANORMAN

For those who got to see the delightful Coraline when it was released, the same quirky and enthralling style is brought to the tale of a boy this time whose abilities will draw him into a world of adventure, excitement and danger. All accompanied by a U certificate though so bring the family!

OCTOBER

SKYFALL (aka James Bond returns)

There's not much floating around regarding Daniel Craig's third outing as 007 except for the facts - Sam Mendes of American Beauty fame) directs, Javier Bardem is the villain, and Ralph Fiennes and Albert Finney join in alongside regular Judi Dench. When the trailer hits, it will be added. Until then, here's a reminder of how the reboot started...

NOVEMBER

GANGSTER SQUAD

The guy that gave us Zombieland and 30 Minutes Or Less, goes all noir and serious with this LA-based thriller with Ryan "so hot right now" Gosling's 1940's cop trying to take down Sean Penn's big gangster. Expect tommy guns galore, see? Again when the trailer surfaces, expect it here...

DECEMBER

THE HOBBIT: AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY

Honestly, there is nothing to say except, for those of you who felt Christmas time ended with the release of the final chapter in The Lord Of The Rings trilogy back in 2003, fear not! With Peter Jackson back at the helm and Martin Freeman as the only Bilbo Baggins he wanted for the role, the first film of the two-parter graces our screens whilst New Zealand gets ready for the influx of tourists again!

So, for the time being, just know that for each film I've listed above, it will be up against at least another ten minimum in that particular month. There's a host of other note-worthy flicks but rest assured, when I can they will be here for you to peruse.

What are you looking forward to then? And did you know any of them?