STOKER

The genre of horror has dramatically changed over the years - originally  they were all about fear and suspense, whereas now it seems that the key factor is gore and how grizzly the deaths can be.

Recently, the likes of The Woman In Black has gone back to the "good old days" where mounting tension and off-camera scares are pushed to the fore to create the desired effect from the audience. This movement towards old school continues with an unlikely source - the director of the violent and kinda-gory vengeance trilogy (Oldboy, Lady Vengeance and Sympathy for Mr. Vengeance.)

Director Park Chan-wook brings to this Western tale of a family and its secrets a very Asian flavour, bringing to mind the creepier moments of the likes of the Ring, The Eye and The Grudge franchises. Just like those cult classics, every image seems to have been contemplated and dissected before it's inclusion in the final film. Nothing it seems has been left to chance in either those films or here too. Imagery is key. For story purposes and for fear-inducing purposes.

The point here is fear caused primarily by uncertainty - of what's happening and of what some of the characters will do next. Imagine the various family members of say The Munsters, Beetlejuice or The Addams Family - condense them into just a handful of characters, and then mix in a decidedly 18 certificate feel and you will be someway to realising the Stoker family. Chan-wook, along with his (alien-to-him) English-speaking cast has delivered some of the more weirder individuals to be placed upon the silver screen in recent memory. This, along with striking visual imagery and a book ending of the film with the same scene, helps the events that unfold take on a certain "troubling dream-like" quality. The opening credit sequence starts this off with its imaginative placing and removing of the names not unlike those of Night Watch where the images upon the screen - Mia Wasikowska standing by the roadside - affects the words and their visibility. This use of imaginative imagery also shows such striking dissolves as Nicole Kidman's brushed hair blending into a field of wind-swept grass, and Wasikowska's tiny frame walking along the middle of a highway followed by her just discovered Uncle Charlie in his open-top Jag, into her walking up her driveway still followed by the ever-increasingly strange Uncle Charlie in his open-top Jag.

Kidman, who is no stranger to sexually-charged but emotionally-fragile roles (think of Dead Calm,  The Others and To Die For) nails it as the recently widowed Evelyn who becomes more-and-more enamoured with Mathew Goode's Uncle Charlie. Goode delivers the perfect amount of smiles and uncomfortably long stares towards Wasikowska's just-turned-18 and greiving daughter - India - who seems to be channeling a mixture of young "angsty" Winona Ryder within the looks of a young Claire Danes. Running throughout the entire Stoker, as with these three characters, nothing is at all what it seems.

With its swings-and-roundabouts plotline of just exactly who Uncle Charlie is and his connection to the recently widowed Evelyn and emotionally-closed down India, the film boasts a not-too obvious story arc that has a great but disturbing flashback in it that breaks the mainstream cinema taboo of killing children which still doesn't fully shed light on events that will unfold afterwards.

Intriguing, interesting, inventive, imaginative and incestious, Stoker is a rare breed of film that mixes its horror with thriller and adds dysfunctional family as well just to create a more heightened emotion to it all. You'll never view distant family members in the same light again.

UK release date: 01.03.13
Certificate: 18

TOP 20.1/2 FILMS YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THIS YEAR - 10 through to 5

Now with the clarity that can only come from people having to get ready to go back to work and having detoxed from alcohol after New Year's celebrations, it's the perfect time to look back upon the year that was 2011 and the films that graced our screens...

BEST 20.1/2 FILMS OF 2012 - 10 thru to 6

10. Silver Linings Playbook

A film that not only dealt with its two main characters both suffering from different forms of mental illness, it portrayed them with respect and humour but never once belittling them and their personal battles or dumbing things down for fear of alienating the audience.

Silver Linings Playbook was one of those experiences that made you feel all the better for having watched it. It also helped that both Cooper and Lawrence gave outstanding performances and the supporting cast surprised all by DeNiro not coming across as if he was "phoning it in" and Tucker not going OTT.

9.Brave

 From the people that can seem to do no wrong, it was none-the-less a big step for Pixar to have their latest concern itself with people as leads rather than in the background AND to have a female as the central character.

They and audiences needn't have worried. Brave showed that Pixar is still king when it comes to characterisation and fun for everyone of all ages - jokes for the older folks and quips for the kids were still present and correct.

8. Argo

 Remember the time when Affleck was just one of the other halves of either Damon or Lopez? Well those days are truly long forgotten as Affleck delivered another fantastic piece of film with his "based on a true story" drama that had bucket loads of suspense, drama and nostalgia.

Awards will be headed his way no doubt.

7. The Cabin In The Woods

From the mind of Whedon, this was a film that played up its teen slasher premise to the extent that its true nature may have been lost on those who went to see it thinking it was just a teen slasher movie!

Clever, funny and subversive, this was a film that refused to be pigeon holed into a category and left those without an open and quick mind behind in its wake.

6. The Raid

A Welsh man and an Indonesian walk into the movie making industry... Sounds like the beginning of a joke but it was infact the beginning of a wonderful relationship that gave those lucky enough to see it a truly breath-holding experience.

Relentless and genius, this showed the big budget makers how to make a movie that could please all.

The countdown will continue with 5 through to 1.... What have you seen and what do you think should be included?

COCKNEYS VS ZOMBIES

British humour - there is nothing quite like it at all! Some of it has travelled the globe very well indeed - A Fish called Wanda, The Full Monty - and have been global successes. Then there has been the more "select/cult" hits worldwide that have helped fly the flag - any Monty Python, Shaun Of The Dead. The latter helped create and define new genres whereas the former just perfected their respective ones.

Director Matthais Hoene's first stint behind the camera sees his work fall squarely into the former category - a "standing on the shoulders of previous giants" type of thing.

Firstly, it should be known that if the title of Cockneys VS Zombies didn't appeal to you or brought a smile to your face, then it's safe to say that this won't be your type of film. Here, not unlike the Snakes On A Plane idea, it does exactly what it says on the tin. One half of the writing duo - Moran - had previously cut his teeth in writing episodes for TV such as Doctor Who, Spooks, Primeval and Torchwood. These cult shows deal with the slightly ludricious and it seems that Moran, along with co-writer Loche, have gone all-out loopy for their first shot at the bigtime. There's no denying that it feels (and looks like) a lesser cousin to superior Shaun... but the lads have tried to distance themselves with attempting more sillyness, more swearing and more stains of blood. And for some of the time, this works.

Where it excels in is its moments of sheer ridiculousness: a flashback to Ford's gezzer Granddad storming a Nazi bunker in WWII and givin' them what-for whilst shouting such things "ave some o that!" in a true cockney accent. It also shows that being dead, or technically undead, cannot quell the deep-seated rivalry between opposing football fans as our "heroes" watch on astounded over the slowest and strangest football hooligan fight ever seen. Its ultimate visual stunner aimed at the funny bone though has to be the sequence that makes an appearance briefly in the trailer - that of the nations' beloved Briers trying to outrun a zombie in his zimmer frame. The full scene is thankfully still a laugh-ou-loud moment without the brief snippet in the trailer detracting from your enjoyment.

Where it does fall short though is its over-reliance on its "star" - the foul-mouthed, takes-no-sh*t Alan Ford. Basically reprising his Bricktop role from Snatch, the writers and the director seem reluctant to keep the camera and story away from him for any length of time, allowing him to appear on the screen and utter his delightful way with words....buried deep in a pile of expletives! This does mean that the other cast members do feel like they're treading into his spotlight when it's their turn to speak, and some do suffer for this - Ryan, one of the more recognised of the cast, feels thrown in amongst the whole proceedings as if to add abit of glamour and eye-candy in the typical male-dominant world of zombie apocalypse. She does fare better than King's bank robbery-gone-wrong hostage who only has to think how stupid everyone is until she realises that they're all "nice" bank robbers and decides to join them in the fleeing of the over-run East End.

Having said all that though, Cockneys VS Zombies is not a film that requires a deep examination nor a thoughtful reflection afterwards. It is pure and simply a film to grab a friend, down some beers and then watch with a warm smile upon your face and a load of blood and gore in your eyes and a swear word every few minutes in your ears. Silly, stupendous fun, there's nothing quite like a film that has "Northern monkeys" in its dialogue or one that explains it all in its title. Nice one!

UK release date: 31.08.12

Certificate: 18

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MOVIES AND THE "WOAH.. DEJA VU!" MOMENT

With the medium of movies in existence for over 100 years now, it doesn't take a degree in rocket science to realise that an aspect of repetitiveness may occasionally creep in from time to time.

Your favourite actor or actress may have a certain catch-phrase, or a certain look that they pull off that traverses some of their films; a director may continuously have his camera move in the same way to add a certain sense of gravitas to the situation, but the actual act of "seen it before" goes way deeper than that!

As with some of the greatest - and dumbest - discoveries of the recent age, the combination of access to the internet AND what would appear to be an infinite amount of spare time on their hands, people have found the "glitches in the matrix" - or to non Matrix fans, all those moments where a tiny voice screams in your head that you've heard/seen it all before.

So, here for your perusal, are some of the situations that, dependant on your frame of mind, could be classed as either: homage, lazy writing/acting, classic-making cinema, or proof that film makers need to up-their-game if they truly want their pieces of art to be classed just as that - classic, cult art - and not on a shop shelf gathering dust...


BREAKING THE FOURTH WALL

My personal favourite, be it TV or cinema, is when the character looks directly at you - just you. This act cements the link between them, the do'er, and you, the viewer. It draws you in, letting you in on their joke, their pain, their love, their life. Known as "Breaking The Fourth Wall," here is a collection of your heroes, your villains, your stars, talking to you personally. How many do you recognise?





SON OF A BITCH

Growing up, things that were considered wrong, or naughty, have, over the years, become either more tolerable or acceptable. Some have even become non-existent! What was once a swear/curse word back in the 70's and 80's, are now commonplace - some have even changed into greetings or a way to express a moment of clarity or disguised adoration. "Son of a bitch" is just such a phrase! Look for yourself....

YOU JUST DON'T GET IT, DO YOU?

So, here's the one that should divide the people - is this a great way to propel the story along OR is it just damn lazy writing? At over 8 minutes long, I'm guessing that most people will come down on the side of "lazy writing" rather than fantastic screenplay motivation, after watching this montage. But then again, I could be wrong - maybe I just don't get it....





IT'S GONNA BLOW!

So, you're about to spend a huge amount of your budget on blowing up something infront of the camera and you just know (fingers crossed!) that it's gonna look cool. What do you do to let the audience know this so that they can be prepared for it and revel in its awesomeness?.... So that they don't miss a single second of what probably took months in planning and execution to pull off?.... Easy! Get one of the dumb characters to tell everyone!





Recognise any of the above? Did it put one of your fave films in a new light? Have you dug out that script you were writing - you know, the one that you've been working on for a few years now, the one where the protagonist learns a few valuable lessons along the way etc - and a full bottle of tippex and changed a few lines of dialogue perhaps?.... If so, then "happy trails Hans!"

THE CABIN IN THE WOODS

For those "in the know," the the financial problems of MGM put back the latest James Bond entry (Skyfall) quite considerably. For a even smaller select group, those studio shenanigans caused the delay of an already made and highly anticipated film, but now, nearly 2 years later...

Whedon, who's about to unleash "Marvel magic" with The Avengers (Avengers Assemble in the UK) has proven time and time again that he, along with J.J. Abrams, has an ability to create works of genius in the medium of TV and cinema. Admittedly, they seem to be an acquired taste as many of their projects become cult rather than world-wide phenomena, but none-the-less, respected, fun and clever they are. Whedon, who co-wrote and produced, along with his long term co-writer Goddard who directs this time, show yet again that their slant on any subject will not be along the lines of how you expect it to be.

And there-in lies a problem. The Cabin In The Woods may suffer because of its cleverness. The best way to probably see it is to do so with no knowledge of it what-so-ever but in this day and age, that isn't a viable option. The trailer hints, or gives away (depending on your point of view) at the notion that this isn't just a normal teen slasher movie. For those who think it is due to the main bulk of the advertising campaign, they will sit there "WTF'ing" each other from the pre-title beginning sequence, right through to the "seriously?!? WTF???" ending. Audience members with a taste for irony, genre-dissecting and the knowledge that they "get it" as opposed to their fellow switched-off popcorn-punters, will definitely love it.

To explain any further or deeper would add to the ruination of the experience, just like when everyone knew that The Sixth Sense had a twist and therefore looked for it rather than let it come to them. This could be considered a possible Spoiler Alert! so read on if you must but you have been warned... just like the 5 teens that stop for gas and directions to The Cabin In The Woods and are met with the staple ingredient of ugly, scary Hill Billy guy who literally tells them not to go there. But go there they do - and it's all about choices, despite what you think will be the inevitable ending, from there on.

There are two distinct groups that seem as far apart as you could possibly get - the 5 teens and a group of tie and lab coat wearing adults that seem to have a banal job- but the conversations around the workplace coffee machine and at their control panels will later help you revel in the revelations as the tale unfolds. These should help you jump from disgust at the human race and its desensitising to pain and anguish, through to despair at how some members of it can either be that stupid or easily manipulated. Just like the classic genre-dissector Scream pointed out, there are rules and to know them and how to beat them means a chance at survival. Think Scream meets The Truman Show meets Shaun Of The Dead and you'll be slightly prepared - but none of them can say they have a board that boasts "Zombie Redneck Torture Family" "Merman" and "Sugarplum Fairy"...

So much fun even when it spirals into a category that is hard to define, it may need several viewings for you to fully appreciate just how clever, sick and gloriously funny it is. Whedon - genius again!

UK release date: 13.04.12

Certificate: 15

THE WOMAN IN BLACK

Books that become plays that become films - the transition between each format can dilute the impact or leave fans of one source less than impressed with the other interpretations. Now the play that has run for 23 years from the 29 year old novel gets its cinematic debut with that "wizard boy" leaving Hogwarts firmly behind for pastures new... and chilling.

Director Watkins previously showed that unsettling is something easily achievable with his Eden Lake (showing the US a thing or two regarding how to depict deranged youths) but here, with the added benefits of a solid story and yet another wonderfully adapted screenplay from Goldman, he has reached new heights. The much-missed, good old-fashioned horror story is back, and better than ever.

Fans of the play will immediately note the bold decisions made by Goldman (surely a go-to-gal for Hollywood after her Kick-Ass, X-Men First Class, Stardust efforts) regarding Radcliffe's young solicitor who has been changed from a happy husband and father to a widower whose son even draws him with unhappy faces on his artwork. This move makes Radcliffe's actions more understandable as he wonders about his dead wife and if there is something on the other side rather than have the audience just think "well I'd run away and NOT go into the room where all those noises are coming from."

Where things work extremely well is the constant, under-lying tension created by every character upon the screen along with the superbly shot locations that only add to the creepy atmosphere. This nervousness sets the audience on edge throughout, so much so that even the very few obvious "jump" scares that are presented are highly effective despite you knowing that they're coming. However, it's the ones that you don't see coming or the ones deliberately avoided that truly make this a masterclass of nail-biting entertainment. Whether it's during the day or night, Radcliffe and the viewer are under constant surveillance and threat from mostly unseen forces, allowing the imagination to run riot regarding the titular vengeful spirit.

When she does appear though it doesn't quite match up to the horrific images that you've already conjured up but with the likes of the creepiest collection of children's toys ever filmed and the BEST reflection scare committed to celluloid, it can be forgiven as only a slight niggle that hardly gets a look-in through your shredded nerves. You even mostly ignore the too-youthful-looking Radcliffe but that's down to his great performance as well as the hand-squeezing tension.

Better than ALL the horror-slasher stories of the past few years out together, this is a lady you should see....through clammy, shaky fingers!

UK release date: 10.02.12

Certificate: 15

THE DEVIL INSIDE

The "found footage" documentary style of film has had many low lights and some high lights since The Blair Witch Project was unleashed back in 1999. Since then, the field of horror has predominately attempted to take advantage of the "real events" myth that this genre brings to the audience, hopefully reinforcing the scares for them.

Writer/Director Brent Bell follows up his 2006 slasher Stay Alive with this demonic possession tale of a young woman - Andrade in typical plucky "talk to camera" heroine mode - who seeks the truth about her mother and the murders that she committed during an attempted exorcism performed on herself.

For once, the aspect of having a camera present throughout the whole proceedings is somewhat believable as its director/cameraman is after the money shots for his documentary. There's no real reason for you to scream at the screen to "drop the camera and run away" like Blair Witch or Cloverfield as this guy has money and success driving him on to continue filming when most sane people would have run a mile at the first sight of a contorted body spewing profanities in multiple languages.

There's really nothing new here that hasn't been explored before in the likes of the superior The Exorcism Of Emily Rose or the grandaddy of them all, The Exorcist, but that's not to say that there aren't some nice touches thrown in amongst the well-trodden path it walks down. The first meet between daughter and her mental institutionalised mother is a wonderful example of tension-building to the point that when the possibly-possessed mother beckons her daughter nearer and then drags her own chair across the floor towards her, you're whispering to yourself for her to get out of the room pronto.

Where the film lets itself down is its "twist finale" that presumably Brent Bell thought would give this film the legs that Paranormal Activity was given with its final 30 second sequence that opened up the door to it becoming a franchise. Not giving anything away, it makes a huge, hitherto undiscussed leap plot-wise, that is not explained but more shouted out in all the confusion and barely caught on camera for the audience to digest. It's not exactly rocket science or a brain teaser, but it would have been a nice touch if the characters had taken a moment to digest what was going on rather than just scream at each other and make a decision that even busty blonde's in slasher flicks would have questioned.

An idea with merit but stereo-typing and cliches drag down the benefits of the unusual Rome setting and the depiction of the Church trying to bury such things to an overall missed opportunity. And the whole ending, just like the final 30 seconds of Paranormal Activity, ruins everything that went before it, just leaving a bad taste in your mouth rather than a sequel or prequel or an explanation of some kind.

UK release date: 02.03.12

Certificate: 15

THE THING (2011)

There are films that will always be with you which help you remember your growing up and how you began to define yourself; for some they had The Omen, some had The Excorist, some The Shining and others had The Thing. Now, 29 years after John Carpenter's original remake of the b-movie, his 1982 classic gets the prequel treatment.

Before this goes any further, you should know that the 1982 movie is in my Top Ten Of All Time so this rarely-wanted and much-anticipated prequel has a lot to live up to. And for a brief fantastic part of it, this modern "where it all began" origins story pulls it off to the same degree that Carpenter created with his claustrophobic tale of invasion of the smallest scale ever.

Straight out of the gate, you feel on familiar terrority with the much-plundered Spielberg 101 tale-telling-technique since his Jaws and Jurassic Park master classes - scary intro, followed by character introductions leading into build up to big crescendo finale. Now, if you have the skill to bring those characters into your audiences immediate memory enough for them to care about and root for, then this technique is a no-brainer, as when they begin to fall into immanent danger they want them to see it through to the end credits. First-time big screen director Heijningen Jr. unfortunately does not posses this particular skill and neither does the writer Heisserer (Final Destination 5, the recent remake of Nightmare On Elm Street... need we say anymore?). For each clever nod to the original produced, they fall foul of several predictable modern horror cliches that dissipate any pent-up suspense they may have conjured up.

Alot of this is the over-reliance of CGI to help push the story forward and create the scares. Although the original had great state-of-the-art-effects for the time, the small cast, the paranoia, the accusations, the human errors and the single claustrophobic location, all created to make an absorbing "who's next?" movie that on first viewing had you guessing right up to the "you've got to be f*cking kidding me!" ending. Here, it's pretty obvious who's been exposed to the thing so the emphasis switches onto the how rather than the who for the seasoned viewer.

It's strange then that the makers have addressed details that have been poured over to such an extent that fans will tick off their mental check list - axe in wall, block of ice extracted - that they have then had such a blatant disregard for THE major questions raised by the 1982 version - the huskie escape, the body with the razor cuts to the wrists and throat, the thing's intent or story - to the point where any geek points gained are nullified. Back to Spielberg, his Close Encounters.. Special Edition showed the inside of the alien craft to which he and audiences alike hung their head in despair afterwards and here the makers make the same mistake - along with taking the small scale environment which evokes paranoia and expanding it in the hope of increasing the thrills. This does not work sadly.

As said at the beginning, there is a 15 minute segment that literally sits along with the original for sheer nail-biting suspense that sees a fantastic twist on the originals "blood test" sequence, but that's not enough to make this a classic unfortunately - just another average-to-good night out at the flicks. For those of you who don't know the original, that just may be enough. For the rest of us, a wasted opportunity will sit in the back of the throat.

UK release date: 02.12.12

Certificate: 15

RED STATE

Bearing in mind the religious tones in Kevin Smith's latest, it's apt that the phrase "damned if you, damned if you don't" squarely applies to it.

Known for his "slacker" movies - Clerks, Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back, Mallrats - the response when it was believed he was moving into possible "slasher" terrority was mixed to say the least. And upon release, that response is still very mixed.

If this wasn't from him, there's no doubt that Red State wouldn't be poured over with such a fine tooth comb from fans and critics alike. We want something different but more of the same and when the different comes along, that can be confusing. Not unlike the genre meshing that this effort brings to the screen.

What starts off as a small-town teen coming-of-age flick with 3 boys arranging a "simultaneous" experience in a neighbouring area in the middle of nowhere, takes a turn for the worst and then squarely heads into the genre that the likes of Hostel and Saw have over saturated in recent years. The horror element comes into play as the over-faithful clergy try to clear the world of all that is sinful to their interpretation of the scriptures - from gay through to multiple partners.

It's here that Smith makes his boldest stand with a possibly overlong segment involving the (admittedly stunning powerhouse performance of Parks) preacher's sermon that tries to explain their rationale and actions that are graphically demonstrated upon the screen. Even TV's Dexter would squirm at their methods. Then, just when you're all geared up for a nerve-shredding continuation of which of the boys will escape and survive the bible-bashing bastions barrage, Smith throws in his cards and starts a whole new, different game.

Then the screen goes black opening up on Goodman's "screwed from the beginning" ATF agent who is given the task of investigating forcibly the compound of Parks and the sounds of gunfire within. The film then switches to an out-an-out gunfire battle that refuses to let-up. With the sound of bullets equalling those of Saving Private Ryan picking off unexpected characters left, right and center, the tension is only broken with welcome-but-dark humour as Goodman shouts down the phone to his boss as all hell breaks lose that "his word is not good enough" and that he requires a text or an email at least saying that he's been told to storm the compound so his back is covered when it all goes wrong!

The ending is so Smith - think Dogma - that it comes as a surprise as everything before it has been so unlike his previous efforts, but the sudden change of scenery, mood and tone is still none-the-less brave and interesting and I for one, applaud him for trying something different. Besides, a film that has a line such as "he's built a great wall of b*llshit around the property... Yes sir, like the one in China," cannot be all bad!

UK release date: 30.09.11

Certificate: 18

FRIGHT NIGHT 3D

Lately, it seems that original ideas are either in short supply or considered "unbankable" in Tinseltown where remakes, reboots or sequels seem to be the order of the day.

However, some are not only worthy of your attention, but, (and whisper it) they are as good as, or equal to, their original counterparts.

With his previous work not an indication that an 80's horror comedy remake would be up his street, director Gillespie takes the quirky, smirky humour from his Lars And The Real Girl and applies that to the enjoyable B-movie premise of having a vampire move in next door and making moves on both your Mum and your girlfriend.

If you are unfamiliar with the 1985 flick best known for it's well-loved star - Roddy McDowell - you may find that you'll be putting this is as your fave horror flick of the year. With a sometimes hard-to-find balance of laughs and scares plaguing nearly all of the genre's recent entries, to the point where it seems that only "horror gore" films are released nowadays, this re-vamped (sorry!) Fright Night perfectly delivers tension-relief humour to only then crank up the creepiness again!

To achieve this, characters are firmly assigned which camp they should be in. Farrell, as Jerry the vampire (great running gag throughout) gets to sink his teeth (sorry) into the fixed-staring, head-twitching, scent-sniffing, charm-offensive that is a modern take on the originals excellent Chris Sarandon (watch out for his cameo appearance) as the predatory vamp neighbour. Oppositely, delivering the laughs rests squarely on the more-than-adequate shoulders of Tennant. For all the world like his Doctor Who persona except with a drinking problem, a high sex-drive and a leaning towards theatrical leather wearing, he gets to pretty much steal the show every time he appears on screen.

The battle of good vs. evil doesn't just rest between The Doctor and Ballykissangel. Star Trek's Yelchin as teen-turned-reluctant-protector, Charlie, shows Shia LaBeouf that it's not all whining and shouting for Optimus whilst in mortal peril. The right side of geeky and heroic, he and Poots as his "ripe" girlfriend never stray into "teen OTT terror" which helps you root for them when the going gets tough.

Now, for those who have seen the original, guess what? You'll love it. With enough nods and respect for the '85 classic, it still brings variations and twists to keep you on your toes throughout. Enjoyable for all the right reasons - scares, laughs, tension, characters - this is a riot from start to finish. I stake (sorry) my reputation on it.

UK release date: 02.09.11

Certificate: 15

INSIDIOUS

In the entertainment industry, you're only as good as your last effort, be it album, game or movie. So, after the double-edged sword creation of Saw - great beginning, unnecessary franchise - its creators return with another stab at scaring audiences out of their seats.

And to cut to the chase, at certain points in its relatively short running time, they succeed. However, the team of director Wan and writer Whannell have painted themselves into a corner by, depending on your own view, either homaging or desecrating a known classic. So, if you're going to invite comparisons with Poltergeist then you had better make sure that you've upped your game in order to add to its near-perfect mix of scares created by both effects and suspense. They, unfortunately, don't.

A drawn-out beginning tries to help you connect with the family that will eventually be put through the wringer in order for you to care about them, but it's time not dedicated to characterisation. The result leaves them two dimensional and uncared for which, when the sh*t hits the fan, creates no emotional investment from the audience on whether they survive or not. This, linked with unmemorable dialogue and throw-away children lessens any possible feelings of anxiety or danger.

Having said that, there are a few good jumps to be had - all of them being simple "appears in shot out of nowhere" scares rather than the questionable "effects-created" ones. Those though, are few and far between.

Its biggest crime however is showing "the other side." Hooper and Spielberg knew to leave it to the imaginations of the audience to fill in the blanks in Poltergeist... if only the same could be said of Insidious. It just looks like Darth Maul on a good day visiting a set from Saw via a dream sequence from Nightmare On Elm Street - and trust me, it's not as interesting or great as it sounds!

UK release date: 29.04.11

Certificate: 15

SCRE4M

So the tagline says that it's a new decade and therefore it's new rules... does that mean that it will break with the rule of diminishing returns for sequels then?...

It was 15 years ago that one of the brightest-but-then-fading lights in the horror genre came back for one final "stab" (sorry, pun intended) at rejuvenating not only his career but the genre that had been done to death so much so that laughs were more on the menu for audiences than screams.

Now, original director Craven and scribe Williamson have reunited to breath life into the franchise that unfortunately opened the gates for the likes of "Saw." This time though, the patient hasn't made it to the ER in time - it's a flat-liner.

What doesn't help the film is that "Scream 2" did already what they've tried to do here - both knowingly say they are sequels and give a large nod to the rules and twists that every other horror sequel feels they have to adhere to. There's even a group of avid horror movie teens discussing the new rules in a classroom, but the ironic value and fresh feeling of this was all dished up back in the second installment, with alot more humour to boot. It feels kinda like you can't teach an old dog new tricks, so just give them new corpses instead.

Now don't go thinking that "Scre4m" is a total waste of time - it does have some genuine delightful moments thanks to Williamson's script - only gay people can survive horror films now as everyone from virgins to main characters are expendable - but the actual scares are few and far between. It's a worrying thing when the biggest audience jumper is a close-call car accident.

As Ghostface says to Campbell's character, "Sydney, you're only good at one thing...surviving," you do wonder whether, by the time the 3 false endings have finally given way to the end credits, that she wasn't so good at it. As they say in the ER, "time of death... 15 years ago."

UK release date: 15.04.11

Certificate: 15

RED RIDING HOOD

Her message may have been "love never dies" with her directing the first "Twilight" movie, but after being passed over for the sequels, it seems that Catherine Hardwicke's mantra is "day jobs never die..."

Straight off from the start, there is a level of recognition on so many different levels that you could be distracted from the actual movie itself whilst you try and count them off in your mind.

The mist-shrouded mountains covered in broody weather and dangerous trees seem to have been left over from the filming sets of Forks and if that wasn't enough, Bella's Dad (Billy Burke) appears here in the role of, wait for it, Dad to the plucky heroine who ends up being caught between two men and something not human... You do begin to wonder just abit whether Hardwicke has deliberately done certain things as a kind of "two fingers up" to the "Twilight" franchise producers.

But it's not all comparisons to that particular movie - infact the strongest resemblance is that of M. Night Shyamalan's "The Village." From the dark and dreary wooden houses hiding many secrets, through to the clanging bell of doom when an attack is either immanent or has occurred, it feels like one of these dreaded "re-imagining" attempts when the studio wants to kick-start a franchise up. They even have a backward boy in the village that suspicion falls upon once Oldham's scenery-chewing werewolf-killing priest arrives to apparently save the day. Either that or inject the "who could it be, this werewolf beast?" idea into every one's heads so that it makes an Agatha Christie novel look like a quick game of Guess Who.

Now it may seem the above is all negative, however "Red Riding Hood" is an enjoyable little movie and one that is far superior to the angst-heavy stories that plagued the first "Twilight" outings - the only lingering looks here are of "where were you during the full moon?" A tad long with a protracted ending, it still works, even if Hardwicke can't let the camera stay still for more than a second - watch out Tony Scott and Michael Bay!

UK release date: 15.04.11

Certificate: TBC

John Carpenter's THE WARD

And so the return of the once-great director's continues ... Joe Dante came back with one of my faves last year - "The Hole in 3D" - and now the King Of The 80's returns.

Carpenter has alot to live up to, but equally alot to answer for. For every "Halloween" there's a "Vampires" and for every "Escape From New York" there's a "Escape From L.A." His return sees him on familiar ground - a thriller/horror rather than action/sci-fi. And maybe that's the problem for him and for us - it's too familiar. A plethora of ghost killer thrillers has audiences all-too prepared for shock tactics so to scare them an atmosphere of uneasiness and creepiness has to be delivered in spades.

And that's where Carpenter fails. All the elements line up waiting to work their magic - the creepy psychiatric hospital; the sour-faced head nurse; the creepy doctor; the inmates with a secret... but none of them match up to what has gone before. The hospital is no Overlook Hotel; the nurse is no Nurse Ratchet; the doc is no Lector... and the inmates are, well, there-in lies the problem!

Without trying to give anything away, "The Ward" tries a ploy that has been done before in movie history but with a twist like that, once you've seen it deployed, it can never surprise you again. The man who literally had you watching through fingers has those fingers clenched into a fist that supports your weary head. No shocks, no surprises, no script.

Carpenter has always worked on a budget that is probably equivalent to that of the catering budget on a Hollywood movie but he has always managed to make the best of it and make up for it with chills and thrills. But here with a "ghost" that seems like an after-thought and a well-trodden run through the halls of horror, it would be best to self medicate rather than take a dose from this hospital.

There is a film that you should see instead of this, which will be listed at the end if you wish to read it if you don't mind a spoiler.

UK release date: 21/01/11

Certificate: 15

*SPOILER ALERT* Watch "Identity" instead - it's a much better personality thriller.

RESIDENT EVIL: AFTERLIFE 3D

It has been whispered in discreet circles, very, very quietly, that the Resident Evil franchise films are a guilty pleasure... all respectable critics will look down their noses at them and only sad, geeky non-girlfriend teens will fork out money to see the continuing saga of Alice (Milla Jojivich) vs. the evil Umbrella Corporation based on the ever popular games institution.

Well, I admit that I originally loved the first Resident Evil films and so did enough people because despite the apathy directed towards them from the "critics" the world has now been presented with the fourth film in the series!

The original man behind the idea - W.S. Anderson - has returned to behind-the-camera duties as well as producing after relegating himself to "producer/writer" for part's two and three (Resident Evil: Apocalypse ) but unfortunately this time he hasn't brought with him the spark that made the original outing a discreet cult classic.

What we have is a movie that feels hacked to death to achieve it's incredibly short 93 minutes running time and a feeling that the original cut would have at least put some meat-on-the-bones that explains the incredible jumps in plot and dialogue that take place.

Despite the added attraction of 3D, this only goes to help the case of the people who say that here is a franchaise that never should have made it past the first outing. I never thought I'd say it about one of my guilty pleasures, but, yes, it is time to store it away and only look back at it with rose-tinted glasses and the folly of youth. R.I.P. Resident Evil.

UK release date: 10/09/10

Certificate: 15