THE OSCARS 2011 LIVE BLOG - WITH ALCOHOL!!!

So, here goes then! It's what some people believe is the "top" accolade to have in the film industry - everything else is just an ornament to put in the toilet.

For the first time ever (in my history anyway) I shall comment on the ceremony and see if my predictions posted back on 13th February are correct. I will attempt to stay awake throughout the whole thing whilst trying to play an Oscar drinking game... the rules of which are yet to be defined. That will happen when my fellow Oscar Watcher's arrive and we thrash out the specifics.

My idea's include such things as - drink when the word Oscar is said; drink when they mention his age (83); drink if I get a prediction spot on OR if my "should have won" wins; drink if someone fluffs their intro speech; drink if someone cries; and many other things! I will put this up now first of all to see if anyone has any suggestions for the drinking game - 8:45 pm GMT....

PRE-FLIGHT CHECK...

8:30

pm GMT - Whilst watching Top Gear, the first can of 1664 (other beers are available) is opened in preparation for the possible up-and-coming onslaught. Plans have been made to meet at 9:30pm to stock up on grub at the only local Sainsbury's still open (other food retailers, sod it, you get the gist right?) so there's nothing left to do but hope I can still type and make sense as the night, and day, and speeches and back-slapping stretches on...

HOUR 1 (ish)

11:30 - 01:00 GMT

After waiting on tender hooks to see if the bloody live streaming of the oscars would work on the pc (I dont have Sky or such-like) the countdown has finally clocked and we are making up new rules for the drinking game - if any of us are bitchy OR sarky, drink; if any one thanks their parents, drink; if anyone thanks God, drink.....

HIGHLIGHT No 1

Zach Levi (Chuck) is on the red carpet! DUDE!!!!!

HIGHLIGHT No 2

Amy Adams is on the red carpet and on my 42"....TV!!!!

HIGHLIGHT No 3

The cast of The King's Speech have appeared on the long distance camera shot and everyone has gone all "darling, British!"

It's all going abit weird as the group are making up their own rules of what constitutes a drink - so far its if anyone who's British appears, if anyone thinks they see an oscar, or if anyone feels that they need a drink because they've been bitchy despite whether it is deserved or not.

HIGHLIGHT No 4

Helena Bonham Carter says it's about film and not fashion. And has a Union Jack garter!

HOUR 2

01:00 - 02:00 GMT

The broadcast of the red carpet was ONLY for the red carpet! Cue massive panic of trying to find the continuing broadcast so that this night could carry on... Then we find another site and the clock says 25 mins until the oscars.... we're running out of booze already! Sh*t!

Argument No "God knows!?!" Kirsty and I are still "arguing" about her shouting "darlin'" to anyone she loves, whether they're English or not! It should only be used for English or British people and NOT American actors/actresses! It's just common sense! Surely?!?

It's 01:15am GMT and Alex has commented "Drink".... Geez, like we need the command! Or a reminder!!!

HIGHLIGHT No 1

Spielberg does impromptu comedy!

01:31 They finally fucking start! Cool intro - and with a delorean! How 80's is that!?!

Award 1 - Art direction

Balls! My first incorrect guess! Alice In Wonderland and NOT Inception! WTF!!!

Award 2 - Cinematography

Sod it! My 2nd loss and everyone else got it correct! Have just become 2 pints sober in one minute.... Inception got this one and not the other - surely that counts for something... surely???

Award 3 - Actress in supporting role

Oh sh*t!!! After a wait of god knows how long it goes to the bitch in The Fighter! That's 3 for 3 incorrect!

Award 4 - Animated film

Thank God! I got something! Toy Story 3

Award 5 - Animated short

This is getting ridiculous! It goes to The Lost Thing and not Night & Day.

Award 6 - Adapted Screenplay

That's one in my camp, but it was such an obvious one it shouldn't count... but I need every point I can get at the moment

. The King's Speech.

IT'S ALL GONE WRONG WITH THE STREAMING!!! I'VE LOST WHAT AWARDS HAVE BEEN GIVEN OUT???? I HAVE NO IDEA NOW!!!! THIS IS BUGGER!!!

Award ? - Foreign Film

Another one bites the dust! Not Biutful

2:17am GMT people are yawning but I'm just kinda fuming! Bloody broadband, and Sky, and BBC and anyone else involved in this live stream flaming sh*t!!!

Award 7 - Supporting Actor

Bale wins. Rush doesn't. I'm not firing on this at all am I?!? I blame the booze that I'm having now!

02:46 - Ed and George (Jo) are upset coz they haven't been mentioned yet. Happy now?

Award ?? -

HOUR 3

02:00 - 03:00 GMT

It's 03:07. I have won another point with Alice In Wonderland. And people are making up their own awards and points for drinking!!!!

04:30. So, that's it. God knows who won in the points category and who won in the booze category but I'm sure I'll work it out before the next 24 hours expires. Some people were richly rewarded and some were definitely robbed.